another moral hangover. fuck.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
