I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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