dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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