I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
