so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
