..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
