Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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