Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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