So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
