i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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