You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Even my vagina gasped.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize