Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
