i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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