I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My penis needs a shock collar
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
