My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
