Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize