I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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