I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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