Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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