I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
