Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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