i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
