you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
