The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
