The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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