thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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