If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
