I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
