you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
