He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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