I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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