rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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