we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Panties = found
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