O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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