What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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