"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We named our party play list daddy issues
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
