First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
