You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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