I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
