my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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