i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
