I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
