My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
