his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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