Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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