omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
