I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
