The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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