I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
