you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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