He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Enjoy the penises
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize