Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
