So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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