This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
