I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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