I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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