I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
