So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
