Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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