If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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