I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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