The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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