to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
