I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
