You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
