I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
