I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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