She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
