Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize