shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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