Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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