one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize