Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
