I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just invented taco cereal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
